Dilbert Creator Scott Adams Is On To You, Massive Telepathic Stock Market Conspiracy
Posted: 03/01/2013 3:58 pm EST | Updated: 03/02/2013 1:06 pm EST
Dilbert creator Scott Adams, best known for churning out decades of wall-calendar-ready workplace humor and an unusual endorsement of Mitt Romney, is apparently trying on a second career as a stock-market analyst.
I am happy to report that Adams is not much worse than most stock-market analysts. By which I mean his analysis is dangerous lunacy that should be ignored at all costs.
In a blog post entitled "Here Come The Market Manipulators," Adams unpacks a theory that the entire stock market is being manipulated by a few wealthy, mysterious operators. And he warns that these manipulators, having driven the Dow Jones Industrial Average nearly back to its all-time high, are just about to pull the plug:
My prediction is that there will be a correction of 20% or more sometime in 2013. That will be followed by a jerky climb for the next several months back to wherever the stock was before the fall.
Well, hey, that doesn't sound so bad. That's not any crazier than what some other analysts have warned recently, in light of a possibly over-inflated stock market. What is Adams's bear-market thesis? Too much austerity? European debt crisis flaring up again? Federal Reserve raising interest rates? Actually:
My prediction is based on the observation that the stock market appears to move as if it is manipulated by a network of big players. They lure in the excitable small investors by allowing the market to show a year or two of solid gains then they sell their shares, spook the world with predictions of doom, and buy back into the market at the lower prices.
As near as Adams can tell, these manipulators have some kind of mind meld that lets them know exactly when to buy and sell stocks, en masse. They don't even need those rat-telepathy implants!:
When I say there is manipulation and collusion in the financial markets, it doesn't mean there are actual meetings in which billionaires smoke cigars, drink expensive cognac, and make their evil plans. It might be enough that they are all so aware of each other's moves that they just play follow-the-leader and do so faster than small investors. The sort of market manipulation I'm describing only requires one billionaire leader who is closely watched by the other billionaires. When he sells, they sell, and they all understand why.
Most nefariously, these manipulators have the perfect cover for their manipulation: "The way the big players cover their collusion is by synchronizing their sudden exit from the market with bad financial news," Adams writes.
And to think all this time market-watchers have toiled under the impression that whenever a Lehman Brothers goes belly-up or the economy falls into recession, the stock market sells off because investors are worried about what such developments will do to corporate profits. Instead, it has emerged, these stories are just signals for a secretive cabal of wealthy people to sell all of their stocks at once, and then buy them back again at lower prices.