In April of 2013, the “final” Love Quest was completed. Agape was found and that was the whole point.
Almost a year later, we are in much the same place. On some levels there is massive change, yet inside, maybe not so much. Yes, the world is taking on a different hue and what is clear now is that regardless of what it looks like to anyone else; it is only about you. As you look around, you see all your feelings reflected.
These things are not mistakes; they are attributes of your inner beliefs reflected back for your consideration.
You have reached a point in your awareness which incorporates self love or its opposite – self loathing. You must choose. Together we’ll take this a step further. We’ll explore living in Agape.
We will know the choice we make in each instance by focusing on our feelings. They are our messengers and have always been. We’ve gone through so much; altered the course of humanity with our love, light and determination. So, is this as good as it gets? Understand that this may be as good as it is right now, yet it is by no means as good as it gets. You’ve been unable to eradicate this self hatred you carry. It cannot co-exist with Agape. There have been others who came to remind you to love yourself. They only stayed until the self-hatred forced them out of sight.
The self control you hold onto so tightly stifles free expression. In your efforts to remain secure you’ve built a prison. You can’t escape now without busting down the walls. You’ll need some heavy tools.
You consider these tools dangerous. They include not knowing, allowing, permitting, releasing, letting go and going your own way.
You do not know what you want and as a result never get there. It’s all just preference. Pick something. Make it a priority. Watch what happens. It could be anything. Give yourself what you want without explanation. Participate in the re-definition of your future. Focus there. You cannot get to a new place on a dead end street. You may have to turn around.
You didn’t come here to depend on someone to do it for you. It doesn’t matter how very lost you are. You came to figure out how to do it yourself.
Once you are clear on who you are – you will have to decide that whoever that is, he or she is okay. Fine even. Maybe she’s fantastic. Perhaps he’s brilliant. Your life will change then. You will feel satisfaction because you’ll have finally shown yourself love.
So pick a place that you enjoy and live there. Let the rest be damned. They’ll get along fine without you. Let them. More to the point, allow yourself. It’s okay. You can love yourself. This is not about leaving people. This is about finding yourself. There is a very real difference. If you have been lost, you will understand the distinction.
This is what it’ll take to bust down those walls. It’ll take bravery and gentle precision as you handle these new tools. Keep your eyes on the prize and focus. Waiting for you is freedom and acceptance; love without exception or condition. We’ll get there. We are the ones we are waiting for.
See you tomorrow.